One Fine Day at the Enchanting Shop
[Has anything like this ever happened in one of your D&D games? Consider this a little meditation about the rules of D&D, building on some of the discussions from last week.]
GM: Alright, while you are in town, does anyone have any shopping that they would like to do?
Player: Yeah, actually, I want to spend some time at the enchanter’s shop. I was hoping to turn in that Robe of Stars that the Githyanki Priest used to teleport in from the astral plane. I looked it up in the DMG, and it turns out that thing has a re-sale of, like, 58,000gp. If I trade in some of my other gems, I have enough money to do what I want…
GM: Who said that the enchanter was willing to pay full market price for the Robe of Stars?
Player: I thought you said after the last adventure that because the king was grateful to us for saving the city, that we could sell items here for the full DMG value…
GM: I didn’t realize you were going to turn in something quite so expensive.
Player: Well, you should have thought about that before you let us have such a valuable piece of treasure.
GM: I thought the warlock in your party would want to use it.
Player: It’s okay. I talked to him about and we agreed I could sell the robe.
GM: Just what did you have in mind for this thing, anyway?
Player: That would be a +1 holy composite longbow of speed with a +3 Strength bonus.
GM: Only a +1 bonus?
Player: Yeah, it turns out that most of the monsters these days have specific types of damage reduction, and don’t really care how big of a plus you have on the weapon itself.
GM: But you want it to add +3 to your strength?
Player: No, that’s just the amount of my strength bonus that I can use on each arrow. That hardly costs anything.
GM: And it doesn’t cost anything extra to put both “holy” and “speed” on the bow?
Player: It totals out to like, a +6 weapon. A little over 72,000gp. +2 for holy, and +3 for speed.
GM: Which gives you an extra attack every round?
Player: Only with a full attack action. I checked already. It stacks with my rapid shot feat and with haste spells. The bonus damage against evil critters should come into play pretty often, and the bow should be pretty sweet against demons and devils that need “good” aligned weapons to hit them. I’m looking forward to having like, 6 arrows per round, with all my other bonuses thrown in.
GM: Remember that you only get the enhancement bonus for the weapon OR the ammunition, whichever is better.
Player: Oh, I know. Again, that’s why there’s only a +1 bonus on the bow. The cleric likes to use his magic weapon spell to feed me some +3 arrows before a big battle. I’ve been saving up some other things as well, including those +2 adamantine arrows and those +2 cold iron arrows. I’ve still got some silver arrows on my character sheet as well.
GM: Just how many arrows do you normally carry, anyway?
Player: Only about a hundred and twenty. I can manage the weight with my 16 STR just fine.
GM: But that is a lot of arrows – it’s pretty bulky.
Player: Since when does the D&D rules system care about bulk?
GM: Right. Have you been rolling checks to see whether the arrows are destroyed after you use them?
Player: What was I supposed to roll for that one again? I thought you were in charge of that. Since you didn’t say otherwise, I thought I could recover my misses.
GM: I don’t know. It’s in the rule book somewhere.
Player: Well, after you look it up, we can talk about it. In the future, if you want me to roll for it, I will.
GM: Ugh. It’s funny how quickly you forget about the rules that make life even a little bit more difficult for you, but you are always right on top of the rules that make things easier for you.
Player: Hey, you make the adventures tough enough as it is. I’m just staying on top of the rules that have the most relevance to my character, and trying to play the game well. By the way, there’s something else that I want to talk to you about.
GM: Might as well let it out.
Player: In a few thousand XP, when I get my next level, there’s a feat that I want to pick up from the Complete Archer book that just came out. The level after that, I should qualify for the “Ultimate Sniper” prestige class that comes from that book. There’s another d6 damage bonus that you get with that class, and after a couple of levels I can qualify for the “Really, really, rapid shot” feat.
GM: Hang on, I haven’t said whether that book was legal in my campaign.
Player: But you allowed Mike to roll up a Warlock. That class is in one of the “Complete” books. I thought we were using those.
GM: Just because I allowed one class from one book doesn’t mean I allow them all. Besides, Mike’s warlock character fit pretty nicely into the story line that I was developing. The Robe of Stars was supposed to be for him to use.
Player: Well, dude, now you’re just playing favourites. My fighter/ranger fits into the game just fine, and I’m just trying to make my character into something cool and fun. I should have asked if I could use the “Ultimate Sniper” prestige class before I told you about the bow that I wanted to buy. Now, you’re just trying to Nerf my character.
GM: Dude, you’re maxxing out the rules to turn your character into the Machine Gun of Doom. From now on, all of the battles are just going to be about the party holding off the monsters long enough for you to turn them into pin cushions. How much damage do you do per shot now?
Player: Umm, d8 +3 for Strength, +2 for specialization, +1 for point blank, +3 for the arrow, +2d6 against evil creatures. I might have a couple other feats that apply, and the cleric sometimes gives me a prayer or a bless on top.
GM: So, you can easily do 20 points of damage per arrow, and you can top 100 points a round easily enough. Compare that to what the warlock does in a single round, and it’s never even going to be close. If I let you get the prestige class, you’ll be adding in even more damage dice. It’s abusive.
Player: Well, we don’t have to settle on the prestige class this week. So, I have 73,000gp. Do I get my bow?
GM: [sighs] It’ll take some time. Maybe two weeks to enchant.
Player: We’ll wait. I’m am totally not leaving town until this thing is ready.
GM: I hope you aren’t going to cry like a baby when polearm wielding demons start to make sunder attacks against that bow of yours.
Player: Well, now you’re just being a dick.
[Just who IS being the bigger dick here? Can the DM re-take control of this game? Should he?]