We’ve got a Wii. And, my dearly beloved has never seen a single Star Wars movie in her life, not even one. But she’s seen our friends’ two little boys having a great time playing Lego Star Wars on their Xbox. So we got LSW: The Complete Saga for the Wii.

It’s a great, fun, game, a lot of humor and not too challenging. Co-op mode rocks. The “complete” version combines Episodes I-III, previously from Lego Star Wars, and Episodes IV-VI, from Lego Star Wars 2 (though technically there’s new content, yada yada yada). In fact the only negatives in reviews are how it’s a bit redundant, assuming you played the original Lego Star Wars games. But we hadn’t. So it’s all awesome.

The game has a lot of in-jokes based on the movies and characters; Kathleen was intrigued. “Why does everyone hate Jar-Jar so much?”. (It is true that he’s mute in LSW, and thus significantly less annoying.) And also, “Why the hell are we in this desert, racing pods? Why are those guys shooting at us in turn 3?” So I suggested that maybe we should watch the movies, and she agreed.

Interesting question – to a complete outsider, would it be better to watch them straight though, Episodes I-VI, or rather in the order they were made, first IV-VI and then I-III? Well, of course I’ve seen them in the order they were made, and so I wanted to see what Kathleen would think of them in Episode order by comparison. Plus, that’s the order we’re playing through the game, so it makes sense right there.

So last night we watched Episode I. I should mention that, like a lot of thirty-somethings, I revered the original Trilogy, endured the new one, and have only watched Episodes I-III once apiece. So this was go-round number two for me on Episode I. (Borrowed the DVD from the Xbox-owning, all-Episode-loving father of the boys.)

Yes, it’s very long. It’s not very well acted. The plot is tubby. It’s very frustrating to recognize all the ways it could have been made into a much better story and movie, and not understand how George Lucas could be the only human being alive who could not perceive that. None of this is news anymore.

Also, there’s a lot in there that’s meant to be cool given that you’ve seen the original trilogy. Essentially all the character interactions, and many of the locations, have context based on the original trilogy – all whooshing over Kath’s head. I tried to explain some of it, some of it I figured she’ll discover in reverse as we toil forward. I guess even in pitching the new trilogy to a fresh and younger audience, the assumption is that everyone has seen original trilogy first?

(I thought that when Lucas was busy pig-lipsticking up Episode IV in one of his post-production orgies, he really could have done a lot just by having 10 minutes of Vader, near the beginning of that movie, in his Star Destroyer hovering over Tatooine, breathing, fuming in biomechanical transcendence, gobsmacked by the colliding emotions and memories of his former home and life.)

Anyway, I know it’s been said many times by now, but I’ll be happy to repeat it: the Jedi are a bunch of arrogant bastards, morally comprised from here to next week, they got off lighter than they deserved (yeah I know, let me think of something worse than total annihilation…), and the Republic was doomed to have put the slightest bit of faith in them in the first place.

One snapshot of many to illustrate. Qui-Gon Jinn tries to use a mind trick on Watto so that he can buy expensive engine parts using Republic dollars that would have been completely worthless to Watto. It’s nothing short of attempted robbery (and Qui-Gon was just going to expense it anyways, so it’s taxpayer dollars he’s blowing here), but Jedi are above the law. Watto is immune to the trick, so instead they are forced to bet on Anakin in the Pod Race. To say nothing of the risk to the boy, I wonder more about the scenario where Anakin could have only won the race by playing a little dirtier with Sebulba in the home stretch. I can’t help but think that Ani would have rubbed out Sebulba with glee and malice, and Qui-Gon would just smile and wave and say the the Force willed it and that everything was peachy. Like I say, the arrogant bastard had it coming.

Sorry – it’s not fair to pick on the new trilogy, I know. We’ll press on with the remaining five episodes, and I’ll try to keep my comments in check. I’ll be heartbroken if, when it’s all said and done, Kathleen doesn’t feel like Episodes IV-VI were a hell of a lot better, but it’s impossible for me to predict. Because I lost my Chance Cube. I think perhaps I shoved it up Qui-Gon’s pompous rear end.