In which MetalJim glues on lots of spiky bits…

Well, now that I’ve finished up painting my Tyranids, they need someone to skirmish against.  Since my semester is over, it’s time for a new minis project.  My new battleforce consists of a whole bunch of Chaos Space Marines.

First of all, let me explain why Chaos Space Marines are much, much cooler than regular ol goody-goody emperor-loving space marines.  You see, the chaos boys (CSM for short) look so much meaner and nastier.  The flavor of the CSM force is all about the “spiky bits”.  Part of the “fluff” and backstory about the CSM troops is that they have older, outdated equipment, and therefore you tend to see a wide variety of armor styles, helmet styles, and even weapon styles within a single regiment.

In short, no two CSM troopers should look exactly alike.

This is great fun when you are modelling and gluing the marine troops together.  You find yourself saying things like, “Oh, hey, this guy needs some more spikes on his armor”, and, “let’s give this guy a sword on his belt”, etc., etc.  It’s so much fun, that everyone really should glue together some CSM troopers at some point, just for the challenge of the assembly.

Let’s not think too long about the “practicality” of all those little spiky bits.  The shoulder pads on these minis are so outrageous that the guys with swords probably couldn’t even swing their own weapons above the height of their shoulders.  These guys would have a hard time standing up if they ever got knocked onto their backs.  Don’t even ask how they go to the bathroom…

Now, while I am making it perfectly clear that I really, really enjoy these little craft projects, sometimes it can be a little frustrating to get things to go exactly the way you want them to go.

Look right and check out the official “catalog photo” of a chaos prince.  He’s a big hunk of metal, and would probably be about fifteen feet tall in the world of 40K, standing next to the other space marines.

Now, if you look at the picture, you can see that the GW painting staff did an excellent job of blending together the blacks and the reds.  There are lots of cool little details on the mini.  The problem is that some of those details are really, really small, and there’s some pressure to get those details right when you paint the thing yourself.

Then, there’s the issue of the wings.

You see, a base chaos prince costs 110 points according to the latest 40K codex.  However, you can also pay 20 points extra to have a chaos prince with wings.  This pretty much doubles the movement speed, and makes it much easier to get the prince into melee combat, which is where I want him to be.  The problem is that with those two big skulls sprouting off the top of his back, there’s really no place to attach any wings, assuming I had wings from some other model kit that I was willing to scavenge for the job.  The prince is cast in pewter/ lead, making him an expensive kit, and also making him much harder to customize.

In short, in kind of sucks that a codex put out in 2007 lists a game option for something that’s pretty much impossible to model on the existing demon prince metal mini. 

But what really has me a little cheezed off right now is the issue of the Chaos Rhino.

The Rhino is a very common piece of equipment on the 40K battlefield.  With small variations, the Rhino exists as a standard transport for the Space Marines, the Imperial Guard, and the CSM forces.  Part of the backstory in the 40K universe is that the Rhino is built according to a standard technology template that makes it easier to provide spare parts to various factions.  It also helps Games Workshop to re-use a lot of the same sprues and model elements while providing vehicles to many different armies.  However…

Look carefully at the catalog photo above.  Check out the scale of the trooper firing the twin-linked bolter on top.  Imagine how difficult it would be for that trooper to squeeze back down through his own hatch, given the size of the shoulder pads and the bulk of his armor.  The hatch is actually smaller than it looks, because of the spiky ring around the hatch.  Keep in mind that this vehicle is supposed to carry a squad of ten space marines.  If you actually look at the models, you can imagine maybe four or five marines fitting into the back of the Rhino if they all hold their breath at once. 

In short, the Rhino is about half as big as it needs to be.

I can sort of understand why this happens.  If the vehicles were built to the proper scale, they would simply eat up too much room on the tabletop.  It would be harder to maneuver the vehicles around tabletop scale terrain.  Making the rhino less impressive puts more emphasis on the badass troops who come pouring out of it and charging into combat. Making it the proper size would also cause the kit to be much more expensive.

But wait, there’s more… for the next exhibit, pay careful attention to the rocket launcher in the picture above.  This is called a “Havoc Launcher” and costs an extra 15 points on a cheap transport vehicle that normally only costs 35 points.  In short, it would be really nice to have the flexibility to swap the missile launcher in and out depending on the scenario and depending on the army list that you are building.  In some cases, when I have the extra 15 points to spend, and I want the extra fire support, then I want the rocket launcher.  If I need to skimp on points, and I just want the basic transport capacity, then I don’t want the rocket launcher.

With an intelligent kit design, you could imagine some sort of post running down from the rocket launcher so that you could easily pop the launcher in and out depending on the army list. 

However, according to the instructions for the model, the rocket launcher is supposed to glue into place directly over the left-hand hatch next to the gunner.  In other words, the “official” catalog photo for the kit is actually showing a modified version – they moved the rocket launcher over from where it was supposed to be and glued it there.  It looks absolutely ridiculous to mount the rockets where they are supposed to go, because it would be impossible to swivel the rockets that close to the gunner, and the rockets would be launching right next to the face of the guy firing the guns.

Next, there’s the poor implementation of the hatches and doors on the vehicle.

Have you ever played with a plastic Gundam robot model designed by Japanese toymakers?  Those dudes know how to do cool things with plastic.  If GW was willing to let the Japs handle a redesign of the standard Rhino transport, you just KNOW they would figure out how to make practical hatches that open and close, and easy “snap out” weapon options that increase the flexibility of the kit.

I wound up gluing the rear access hatch of my rhino into the “shut” position, because I was too lazy to figure out how to install some sort of “hook” or latch to keep that rear door closed.

So, those are some of the highs and lows of figuring out how to glue together a CSM battleforce. 

Once I get these guys painted up and looking sufficiently “evil”, I’ll post another update, but that might take a while.

Comments are welcome.  Feel free to choose between: a) chaos space marines are totally badass, dude; b) the designers at GW are lazy and incompetent; or c) all of the above.